Dear God, I pray no one else is listening.

I think I should put it out there that I do NOT like to pray out loud. There I said it. I am so uncomfortable when doing it and feel as though I'm on display to those around me. I know what you're thinking. But, I'm a self conscious person. Always have been, and unfortunately, this silly little idiosyncrasy has spilled over into my abilities to talk to God in a corporate manner. Try as I may, I clam up and my entire vocabulary slips away from me. Even worse, Ian isn't fond of praying out loud either.

Dinners start out every time with us holding hands and casting lots on who's gotta do it this time. We're getting better. I heard one time about five years ago that those who pray together, stay together, so we've made it a goal to make it a normal thing that we enjoy doing together. Something learned from marriage is the necessity to be transparent. I think I'll get into that more in the coming posts, but for now, I'll focus on transparency to my spouse and, of course to God.

The last few days, a combination of stress, worry and allergies have gotten the best of me, and it's rearing it's ugly head in me physically. (speaking of transparency) Ian has been understanding, letting me just lay low. Yesterday, this ailment combo even got the best of my Type A tendencies, and I had to be okay with Ian going grocery shopping. Something that hasn't happened in our 6 months of marriage. Partly it's my need to feel I'm in control, and mostly it's because I actually enjoy grocery shopping. I know, he's lucky isn't he? After he had been out for a while, no doubt studying his product knowledge in the produce aisle, (another reason I have suddenly enjoyed shopping in solitude) I realized that I should be thankful that he is willing to step foot in a grocery store and then cook dinner.

So last night, we bowed our heads and I started to pray. I realized that I have gotten so wrapped up in "have nots" and "not haves" that I forget to thank God for the "already haves" and the "undeserved." So as I'm praying playing a rousing game of mental word search, Ian interrupts, (is that even legal?) and says he has something to say too.

WHAAA???

***FLASH BACK***

I'm remembering a time a few months ago when Ian said, "Dear God, thank you for the food. Thank you for Baker (the dog) and football. Amen."

*******

Now, I'm not one to judge what is on a person's heart that they feel needs brought to the Lord. That's between them and the Lord Almighty. But that prayer just kills me.

*******

Back to yesterday's prayer. He proceeded to give thanks for me, and he lifted me up in prayer to remember that God's in control and that finances are something to be mindful of, but not fret over. He asked specifically for needs pertinent to us now and patience for receiving those needs if God knows they are not so pertinent.

Praying for each other is nothing new to our relationship, but he seemed to know what I needed to hear at just the right moment. Some of it was encouraging, and some convicting. All good. And, I think it's interesting that God didn't put two people together, one of them struggling to pray aloud and the other not. There'd be no room for growth in either of us if that were the case.

So, today I'm choosing to be blessed. I'm choosing to be patient and trusting of the Lord's timing. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but not until tomorrow.

Half Jokingly

Welcome to my first blog post! After a few days of home sickness and utter loneliness (aside from Ian, of course) I decided I needed an outlet. I've never had to be the new kid before. No really, I never was. I was always quite comfortable with the same ol' people all the time. This is a whole new experience for me so I decided to start a blog to share my thoughts on a somewhat consistent basis. Sometimes, I will share a funny anecdote about my day, or a revelation I had, sometimes I may reveal a new dish prepared by my personal chef, sometimes it will be a random thought, and sometimes it will be a picture or two. Here goes nothing...

At the start of Lenten Season, I half jokingly gave up Washington as a fasting in order to prepare my heart for Easter. I am accustomed to giving up sugar, soda pop, fast food...something just painful enough to fast in order to make ME feel good about what I was doing. This year is different. I find myself longing for my God more than ever before, yet the craving for home does not surrender itself quite the same way soda would after a quick prayer.

So I continue to trust in the Lord and His promises. Ian and I are so thankful for the fact that there are so many people at home who continue to support us and love on us. We look forward to making new friends and keeping in touch with old ones as well.

Someone told us at our wedding to "love extravagantly". It's easy to love your spouse as newly weds, but I wondered what that could mean as new neighbors in a town full of new faces. I will continue to ponder that thought and leave you with a picture of our home that we took when we first arrived. It's the New York Billingsley Home: Winter Edition. We are to the left of the red door and our "front door" is located on the side of the house. Don't be a stranger now...



.