Dear God, I pray no one else is listening.

I think I should put it out there that I do NOT like to pray out loud. There I said it. I am so uncomfortable when doing it and feel as though I'm on display to those around me. I know what you're thinking. But, I'm a self conscious person. Always have been, and unfortunately, this silly little idiosyncrasy has spilled over into my abilities to talk to God in a corporate manner. Try as I may, I clam up and my entire vocabulary slips away from me. Even worse, Ian isn't fond of praying out loud either.

Dinners start out every time with us holding hands and casting lots on who's gotta do it this time. We're getting better. I heard one time about five years ago that those who pray together, stay together, so we've made it a goal to make it a normal thing that we enjoy doing together. Something learned from marriage is the necessity to be transparent. I think I'll get into that more in the coming posts, but for now, I'll focus on transparency to my spouse and, of course to God.

The last few days, a combination of stress, worry and allergies have gotten the best of me, and it's rearing it's ugly head in me physically. (speaking of transparency) Ian has been understanding, letting me just lay low. Yesterday, this ailment combo even got the best of my Type A tendencies, and I had to be okay with Ian going grocery shopping. Something that hasn't happened in our 6 months of marriage. Partly it's my need to feel I'm in control, and mostly it's because I actually enjoy grocery shopping. I know, he's lucky isn't he? After he had been out for a while, no doubt studying his product knowledge in the produce aisle, (another reason I have suddenly enjoyed shopping in solitude) I realized that I should be thankful that he is willing to step foot in a grocery store and then cook dinner.

So last night, we bowed our heads and I started to pray. I realized that I have gotten so wrapped up in "have nots" and "not haves" that I forget to thank God for the "already haves" and the "undeserved." So as I'm praying playing a rousing game of mental word search, Ian interrupts, (is that even legal?) and says he has something to say too.

WHAAA???

***FLASH BACK***

I'm remembering a time a few months ago when Ian said, "Dear God, thank you for the food. Thank you for Baker (the dog) and football. Amen."

*******

Now, I'm not one to judge what is on a person's heart that they feel needs brought to the Lord. That's between them and the Lord Almighty. But that prayer just kills me.

*******

Back to yesterday's prayer. He proceeded to give thanks for me, and he lifted me up in prayer to remember that God's in control and that finances are something to be mindful of, but not fret over. He asked specifically for needs pertinent to us now and patience for receiving those needs if God knows they are not so pertinent.

Praying for each other is nothing new to our relationship, but he seemed to know what I needed to hear at just the right moment. Some of it was encouraging, and some convicting. All good. And, I think it's interesting that God didn't put two people together, one of them struggling to pray aloud and the other not. There'd be no room for growth in either of us if that were the case.

So, today I'm choosing to be blessed. I'm choosing to be patient and trusting of the Lord's timing. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but not until tomorrow.