Good Thing I Can't Even Afford the Cheap Stuff!

     Are you back after yesterdays barfing of self-pity? Hopefully you found encouragement? Redemption? I don't know. But I can tell you one thing, God is SO good. He just is. It's that simple.

    I would really like to think that I'm in control. I'd like to think that I can make the decisions in our marriage, because mine are the best. And that I can decide my future and make plans accordingly. Actually, I don't know when I became like that. I've never been a planner. I hate planning. But somewhere along the way I picked up such a hobby and it's caused me nothing but trouble ever since. For instance, my plan was to come out here, find a career, in like, a day and bring home the bacon; until of course, we start growing, breeding, butchering, and cooking our own bacon. To some, this is going to sound really pessimistic, but hear me out. I set myself up for failure. Not because I can't succeed. I can. But I expected so much of myself, in such a short amount of time. Times are tough for a lot of people. Jobs are scarce and depending on who you ask, or which news channel you decide to believe, the economy is for the birds. No wonder I'm losing sleep, my face is breaking out, then sleeping too much, my stomach is in knots and I'm distracted by constant voices of discouragement. Good GRIEF! HOLD THE PHONE!

    That's not God, and it's not what He had planned for me when coming out here. In fact, I don't know what His plan is for me. Yet. I'm learning to wait, and wait, wait some more, and listen. You know what? I'm just Katelyn, and you're just you, why are we expecting anything more than that? God's got the rest handled.

    God's working in me, this very instant, what Satan so badly wants to tear down. He wants me to believe that I should already be successful, that 25 is too old not to have it all figured out, that I'm just not good enough. He wants worry to guide my decisions and stop me in my tracks. He wants me in control. And why the HECK do I not have any kids yet?

    Okay, Satan! NOW you've gone too far! You keep my family planning out of this!

    That last self-doubt had Ian worried, but my point is to say that Satan will go so far past logic, that it becomes laughable, and even I can't even believe it anymore. I'm a child of the Most High God, and I'm right where He wants me to be. Even though I don't want to necessarily be where I'm at right now. Hmph! But it's encouraging to know that I'm where I'm supposed to be in order for God to mold me into what He desires for me.

    Some people are great planners. They make every decision, go out and...just do it. Every plan eventually, in good time, falls into place. That's not me. It's not, and God purposely did not design me to be that way.