The weight of the world has been heavy in the last few weeks. I've prayed. I've prayed specifically, consistantly and relentlessly. Any chance I get, I ask others to pray, with the belief that the power of prayer can overcome anything. Anything. Maybe not in the timeline that I would prefer, or even in the way that I would prefer, but nonetheless, prayers will be answered. That is so scary. It's clear that God does not necessarily want for me comfort. But He wants so badly for me to lean on Him, that I think any extreme is possible to get what He wants. I've written Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes, on my heart and it has been great comfort to me. But I realized today during worship, that does not escape me from the possibility of hitting rock bottom before my prayers are answered. Sure, God is with us through times of trial, but who was I to think that some suffering may not have been in my future?
I continue to pray. I pray specifically. But I also pray that if it's in His will, that I go through the valley, through the rain, through the storm, through the crap, if it only means that I will be closer to Him, then Lord, have Your way in me. I also pray for discernment as to our steps to getting through a very difficult time. I pray that God relinquishes all control that I feel I need so desperately and that I can let it go. And I thank God because His mercies are new every morning. I thank Him for my health and Ian's. And I remember that nothing is more important than that, I am so very thankful.
Please pray with us.
Also, as I pour out my heart through this extremely vulnerable post, I wonder who exactly I am talking to. So, if you've never indicated to me that, for some reason, you read this blog, then let me know! I'd love to know who you are! kthxbai
Kate, this post really resonated with me! Thank you for being brave enough to post it! Kyle and I are just coming out of (or so I hope) a very scary lesson of relying fully on God and being humble enough to accept the generosity of others. (The farm went bankrupt and we haven't been paid since last June and then we had a premature baby. Kyle just was hired as a CNA... praise God!) But isn't it amazing, after all of those lessons I find myself falling back into the same pattern of worry? The other day I started thinking of what would happen if I lost Kyle... I'd be screwed with 2 kids! I almost had a panic attack... then I had to remind myself that God loves me and would take care of me through any horrible circumstance. Being a child of God doesn't exempt us from tragedy, but it sure does make the load easier to withstand. I'll be praying for you guys! I can't imagine how scary it would be to move all the way across the country and start new. You have my admiration!
ReplyDeleteYep, I check in 1-2 times per week. I love to read your writing. I love the glimpe into your heart and world. You speak a universal language that touches the hearts, minds and souls of all of us.
ReplyDeletethanks and keep it up.