Birth story ahead. Graphic details have been left out, but you've been warned... Also, if you're like my mom, and you've heard this story ad nauseum, you may want to move on along with your day. I've told this story alot. Sorry. But not really.
*********************************
We left off at 7 centimeters dilated, +2 station and notta one contraction to offer any explanation to my progress. I was so relieved that they were keeping me, and very much ready to meet my baby.The week prior to this day, I walked and walked and walked. I went to Harry E. Lang Stadium and walked the steps and when that didn't seem to work I walked the track. I wanted progress. But as a first time mom, I didn't expect THAT kind of progress.
I was so excited to be moving upstairs to the 14th floor. I didn't know what to expect. But I was ready. That's where women went to have their babies. The midwife was going to break my water and we were going to get this show on the road.
Until.
The midwife arrived and she said, "Okay! I don't know how you got to where you are, but let's break your water and see what happens!"
WHAT??? NO!!
As she did the deed, I was screaming inside, "I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm. Not Ready."
Clearly, the idea of having a baby theoretically sounded better than it did to actually have a baby. I was scared. I had just found out that I didn't know what a contraction felt like. I didn't know what pushing was going to feel like. I didn't know how long I was going to be in pain. We arrived at the hospital at 8:30 p.m. It was now 9:30 p.m. and I knew I was in for hours of pain. Not to mention, I really thought I was going to be sent home, so my mind was not thinking "labor and delivery" at that moment. I couldn't even grasp in my mind that by midnight, I would have a baby in my arms. I could only think of the unknown. I focused on not letting the fear take over. It was a mighty task.
After she broke my water, she stood me up and told me to walk. So Ian and I walked. And walked and walked. We waited to call our families until after we knew we were staying, and I knew they were on their way. As we passed the waiting room a few times, I thought eventually they'd be there and I'd be able to hang out with them a bit; maybe enduring some contractions as we joked laughed and carried on, in order to distract me.
I didn't end up seeing anyone. After making the rounds 5 or 6 times, I had my first contraction.
It hurt.
We kept walking. I had another and I was done walking. I didn't know what I wanted to do next, but walking wasn't it.
side note: Straddling the labor ball is not recommended after your waters are broken either.
After three contractions I was ready to get in the tub. The midwife laughed and said if I went in at that point, it'd slow everything down and I'd regret it.
During my next two contractions, her face changed and she said I could get in the tub.
By my sixth contraction, I was ready to push.
NOW!
Am I getting too personal? I don't know. I'll keep going.
I've never known pain like that in my life. And it all happened so fast. In a matter of minutes I was feeling my first contractions and needing to push. Somewhere inside I had to find it in me to focus. Something I've never done before. A little part of me regretted my decision to not have an epidural. But I couldn't go down that road. Focus was the name of the game.
While enduring the labor and realizing that pushing is a lot harder than it looks on t.v, I came to understand that everything I learned in labor class was thrown out the window at my first contraction. But I still had a job to do. I don't remember a lot of what I said, but I do remember recalling that the midwife and Ian would know that I was in active labor when my sense of humor left the room. So in between contractions, in the middle of pushing, I remember telling myself to bite my tongue as a joke came to mind, because if I made a joke she would surmise that I wasn't ready and send me home.
Obviously I was not thinking straight.
I remember at one point either falling asleep or blacking out in between contractions. I'm not sure which.
After a few hours it seemed that the pushing was not bringing about any progress. I became more agitated as the time passed. I could not and would not see what was happening so for all I knew she was regressing to my lungs. After each contraction, the nurse would use the underwater Doppler to check the baby's heart rate. Each time I was relieved to know she was still doing okay; that I had made the right decision to have a water birth. But my contractions never really had time to intensify (I
In my defense, it is a natural instinct to stop doing something that brings pain. So for two hours I pushed till it really hurt and then I stopped. The second and third push in a contraction doesn't seem to have quite the same effect.
Ian, the midwife and the nurse all told me that I could. And I did.
After roughly 40 minutes of labor and 2 1/2 hours of pushing, Hazel Joy joined us. I can vaguely remember encouragement from Ian, the midwife and the nurse. After each contraction, they'd say, "That was a great push! Baby's going to be here in no time!"
Ian said my sassiest moment was when I replied, "You say that EVERY time!"
I found out later that it was more than just "annoying words of encouragement from the midwifery handbook," because apparently Miss Hazel Joy could have been out in two to three pushes, something I found out after the fact and probably was told during, but didn't believe it and proceeded to push like a sissy.
As they brought baby up out of the water and to me, I was in an absolute daze. Shock, exhaustion and pure amazement were happening, but I can't remember feeling or saying much. I had my baby in my arms. That was enough.
I remember asking what "it" was. I loved that the midwife replied, "I don't know, let's find out!" She lifted baby up so Ian and I could see together.
I cried, "Is it a girl??!"
"Is it?"
I had to be real sure. I was so delirious and shocked and I wasn't totally sure at that point what I was looking at.
"It's a girl?"
The midwife replied, "Yep, that's a girl!"
A girl.
A girl. All that time, I thought it was someone else in there. I thought it was a little boy carrying his dad's namesake, James. Nope it was little Hazel Joy all along. My baby girl.
I can admit now that I was thrilled to have a healthy baby on the way, but secretly I really wanted a girl. Ian did too.
We actually didn't have a girl name picked out because we were so sure that it was a boy. But we had narrowed it down to two girl names before we went to the hospital. When I was finally in the bed and Ian watched closely as she went through her APGAR, he came to me and said. she looks like a Hazel.
Hazel was my first choice and I'm not so sure that she looked so much like a Hazel to Ian as much as he just watched what I went through and decided that perhaps I could have my first choice.
And that's how baby girls are named.
During the pregnancy, I fantasized about what I'd say, how I'd react to holding my baby for the first time. I romanticized it in my head. When the time came, it turns out, I don't remember saying much between "Is that a girl?!!?" and "Is that amount of blood normal?"
As I moved to the bed, I could hear a little bit of what was happening around me. The nurse and midwife were telling Ian that the kind of labor I had was not normal.
Ian replied with a simple, "There's nothing normal about her."
September 23rd was a busy night in the labor and delivery unit of St. Joe's. Hazel Joy was one of a record breaking 24 babies born that night! Despite the spike in patients, we received excellent care. We were lucky in that because of the over-crowding, we got to stay in our giant labor suite. (The best room in the house.) Unlucky in the fact that we were still neighbored with the laboring women screaming in the quiet night. That's when I felt blessed that I was done with delivery and hoped we would be moved to the next floor later in the day.
We brought her home after a two night stay in the hospital and the three of us began our lives together. It is something that I feel like experiencing 100 times over. Although, I don't want a 100 kids, so that's a little bit of an exaggeration. (HELLO obvious!) While we aren't ready to have more yet, I am looking forward to experiencing pregnancy and even labor and delivery again some day. What an experience to meet your baby for the first time. Locking eyes for the first time with the being that I shared my everything with was something I will never forget. Especially her tiny newborn eyes that were so perfect. Everything about her was perfect.
The last three months has been an amazing journey so far. I can't wait to see what 2012 has to offer. (I can, with certainty, say it won't be another baby.)
Happy New Year! May you find JOY in your days; whatever they may bring!
No comments:
Post a Comment