A Little Unplanned Hiatus

I went here today and not only was my blog at the bottom of the lists, but it was because I haven't blogged in 3 months!! Who knew?!?!

But lets get straight to the updates. Speaking of unplanned: I'm twenty weeks pregnant. Surprised? Yes. Feelings of inadequacy? Yes. Excited? Yes. Falling in love? Yes. Feeling like a sack of potatoes? Yes.

So glad you asked.

It's been a roller coaster of emotions since that day I woke up and knew I had to get to the pharmacy for the "most sophisticated piece of technology I'd ever pee on" to tell me what I already knew. We went from speechless shock to scared straight to excited. And we've probably come full circle about eighty times since that snowy day in Chicago. Today, while we're still nervous about our near future, nerves are overwhelmed with love and excitement for this new little person coming to bless us more than we could even understand right now.

We hit a new milestone this past weekend when I began to feel what I could definitely tell was fetal movement and kicking. Unfortunately I was the only one privileged enough and poor daddy was dying to feel something. ANYTHING! I can't blame him. Bebo (that's what we call the baby) and I share our own little world that Ian is so accommodating to but unfortunately not invited into at the moment.

Harsh, but I didn't make the rules.

As we partied hardy in celebration for Ian's birthday, someone told us to try placing a cold glass of water on my belly to see what that might do. Worked like a charm and daddy-o got his birthday wish. This is already turning out to be such a thoughtful little person inside of me. Obvi.

Feeling the baby throughout the day has made this little journey feel so real to us. I can't help but smile every time. I can't help but wonder how closely we really are bonding. Six months ago if someone said what I'm about to say, I'd think they were nuts! But here goes. As a first time preggo, it's hard not to internalize every single horror story, what ifs and maybes. We live in a broken world and even the womb, (the safest place a baby will see) isn't completely safe. It breaks my heart to think about, but I guess that's what mommas do. We think about that. But my little cantaloupe sized blessing dwelling inside of me reminds me with a kick and a swift jab that everything is okay. Everything will be okay because we hold on to hope.

Very early on in my pregnancy when I thought anything I did or didn't do could hinder the baby and all that was wonderful would be gone as quickly as it all started, God wrote a verse on my heart. James 1: 17: Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

It's been a favorite of mine for a long time, but never so much as now do I really appreciate it's meaning. We have a good and perfect blessing on the way. I can't predict what exactly our blessing will look like. They come in all forms, but our feeble human minds can't think like God. I just know that this gift is good and perfect. And the other half of that verse tells us why; no matter what, it is a gift from our Heavenly Father who does not change under any circumstance. MAN! We are all so blessed.

Stay tuned! And thanks for hanging in there with me as I unravel life and it's twists and turns.