Your first breath took mine away

I can't seem to click the publish button on Part 2 of Hazel's birth story. I think maybe I can't do it justice. We went into the hospital on a Friday night and she was in my arms by midnight. So every Friday evening since has been a little emotional for me. It was physically the hardest thing I have ever been through, but if I could go back to that time again, I would do it in a heart beat. That's not to say that I don't embrace today, and look forward to the future, but let's face it; that's the day I met my baby girl.

Since that day, I've shared with you half of the story of that day, some frustrations of today and hopes for the future. I have yet to share with you the answered prayers and thank you for praying for us. Despite the length of time that I pushed, her birth was everything we had hoped for. In terms of the gestational diabetes, we were concerned that I would not be able to have a water birth, but I did. In the first 12 hours of Hazel's life, her glucose levels were tested, and she was healthy. And when I finally made it in the bed after delivering, the nurse said I could have whatever I wanted. WHATEVA I WANTED. After weeks of sugar depravity, it was music to my ears! So I chose orange juice and if it wasn't 1 a.m, I would have sent someone out for a pumpkin muffin. Then when my mom and sis-in-law came back later in the day, they brought a pumpkin spice latte! Let me tell you, as a barista that made such delicious treats for strangers everyday and couldn't indulge myself, I was in heaven!

Another answered prayer were the women in the room with Ian and I. I prayed that the nurse and the midwife would honor our requests in our birth plan. They respected every word of it. I prayed that they would have personalities that would mesh with mine in my most vulnerable moment of my life. They did. My midwife was encouraging. She let me move about as much as I needed to and she was stern when my stubborn attitude wanted to take over. When I begged her to just take the baby out, she reminded me that, not only was that not physically possible, but that I was capable of doing what I needed to do to deliver my baby myself. When I repeatedly said I couldn't do it anymore. She said I could. And when one midwife told me that she would be unwilling to allow me to have a water birth because of the gestational diabetes, the midwife that I had that night was willing to allow it. 

My nurse was calm, mild-mannered and made me feel like it was okay to leave my modesty and thus my dignity at the door. In the end, I felt comfortable in a hospital room (another answered prayer) and even though it is often joked that childbirth robs a woman of her dignity, I didn't have to feel that way. She would also calmly tell me to lower my shoulders while pushing, and I actually listened to her.

They maintained a sense of humor throughout the night, and I appreciate who they are. I think of my midwife and nurse everyday. I'm so thankful for them.

Ian was another blessing. His calm nature was a good match to the midwife and nurse. He made me laugh when I needed to. He encouraged me. And he appreciated what I was going through. And he was willing to do whatever I or the midwife needed him to do. I knew he was going to be everything I needed, I didn't know he would be willing to do the things he did. I won't go into detail, but lets just say he experienced Hazel's birth as much as he could without actually being the one to give birth to her. It was amazing, and something I'll never forget.

I wanted whomever was residing inside of me to have the most ideal (for our family) birth, and she did. I am so thankful. We went home the next day completely in awe of the journey the three of us as a family had just been through. Ian and I have wasted no time getting to know this little gift from God. One day I told him that I had looked at her that day and the love I felt for her hurt. It HURT! A few days later he shared with me that he had experienced the same feeling.

It is amazing how much it hurts!

Thank you for your prayers. They were heard, and often times in the last days of my pregnancy, they were felt. I loved the last days, and I know that prayer had everything to do with it. We are so blessed with such a beautiful baby girl. My new prayer is that she continues to be a daily reminder of the love God has for us. I am so excited for the time God has gifted us with his special child, Hazel Joy!