The True Story of My Future HOF Big Regret

One time when I was in 6th grade, my family went to Peoria, AZ for Spring Training. It stands out as one of my most memorable trips as a kid; warm weather, three whole days away from school, the Mariners and it was 1997, so Dipn'Dots were new and hadn't made it north to Washington yet.

At the time, I was a HUGE HUGE A-ROD fan (barf, puke, blech). I think it was the dimples. And hormones. Also, my 12 year old self had no real discernment of character at the time. Sue me.

But since I was a Mariners fan, I also was a Jr. fan. They go hand in hand. One morning our family headed out to watch the M's practice. I couldn't believe The Greats were walking right by us, trying to pretend we weren't right there. It was exhilarating.

However, after a while I found my self standing next to the dug-out holding my ticket stub. I was the only kid standing there, and Ken Griffey Jr was the only player in the dugout. Suddenly we made eye contact and he said, "Hey, how's it going?"

"Oh, hey, Jr. I'm good......how are you?"

"I'm great."

Silence filled the air for a long time....

"Hey, so...can I sign your ticket stub?"

Now. Looking back, my thirty-something year old self cannot get over how cool that is. He asked ME if I could oblige HIM. I can appreciate this a little better now.

There was more silence.

I was stunned and excited and couldn't believe what he just asked me. So I said this,

"Nah. That's cool, Jr."

I said, "Nah."

Nah.

Then I walked away.

I THOUGHT he was bombarded ALLTHETIME for those kinds of things, so I said, Nah.

You guys. When the greatest baseball player in Seattle's history strikes up a conversation with you, then offers his autograph, DO NOT say 'Nah.'

You'll regret it later.

Just Write Something

I don't exactly know what to write at the moment. I just know that when you have something that needs to be done, the best thing to do is just show up.

As I'm getting the nudge to write, I'm asking, "But what should I write about"?

"Don't worry." was the answer. "Just write something."

So I thought I'd write what I know. I know that despite all my shortcomings, my mistakes, my failures, my successes, my very best attributes, that I am created for something....And that I am loved.

I also know that despite (your list here) you are loved, too. Even if you think you're not. Even if you think you don't need to be loved by a sovereign God. Even if you named your new baby Saint West. You are. You just are.



So. There you have it.

The Graduate

For EDZ,

Today was your last day of high school. We've watched you grow from preschool to elementary, middle and  now you're graduating from high school. And you're one hellava guy.

You're going into a new time in your life where you may feel a little unsure. Don't. You are ready and more importantly, you are a child of the Most High God. Out of anything, you can be most sure of that. Remember He has made you "highly capable".

You may want to give up. Don't. And I don't mean, don't be a quitter. You'll know when to hold em' and when to fold em'. What I mean is, when you feel like giving up, remember to whom you belong. Remember he wants what's best for you.

You may come to a point where you're wondering (and this will be about 5 seconds after mom drives away from your dorm) if you made the right decision. You did. Remember why you decided to go there in the first place.

Evan, you came into our lives like a whirlwind. We were so excited to get a new sibling. We've experienced happy, fun, exciting and even some really sad times. But if there is one thing I want you to know about yourself, one thing...you have always been and will forever be an amazing reminder of God's redemption. You are a reminder of how much God loves us. In a family we all mess up, we all hurt each other, we say and do things we wish we could take back. But you, you remind us that somewhere in all of that, God still loves us. He still wants what's best for us.

You are loved. You matter, even when it can feel like you don't, well, you do. You will be missed. 

Congratulations! Now commence with life!

Uh-Oh I Missed Curfew Again

Where have I been?

I wish I could say I've been too busy with life to even think about blogging. Never believe a blogger that says that, 'cause let's face it: the busy bloggers are the good bloggers with good blogs.

Nope. Life has been equal parts busy, boring, blissful, stressful, scary and probably bloggable. But I've been in a (several) months long writer's rut. Or really, a life rut.

See, I think that I left New York, where this whole bloggy journey began, and I moved close to where most of my readership lives, and I. Got. Scared.

Scared.

What if I wrote something that sucked and you read it, and we were standing in front of each other, both knowing that I wrote a crappy post, but neither one of us was willing to say it out loud? It was just there.

You: You suck, Katelyn.
Me: I know.

What if all I could ever think to write about was Hazel because I didn't want to be vulnerable anymore on the world wide web and then be standing in the same room as you?

What if what I wrote was wrong, or miss understood?

What if you suspected from reading this blog that maybe I don't have it all together, and then we were in the same room and your suspicions were proven true?

What if what if what if what if....

What if I wrote something and then didn't live it? And you saw it.

I've found that I do this at work, too. I let myself think that I could never perform to the standards that EVERYONE else could meet because what if I was really good at it, and so then I was promoted and then I sucked at my new job. Or, I WAS good at it, so I was promoted to a new new job and began to lead a successful professional life? All the while thinking that I really sucked.

It's kind of like when I used to snowboard.....

I would get on the chair lift. While on the chair lift, I would worry the whole time about properly exiting the chair lift. I would worry so much that when the time came to exit, I would just make myself fall...in case I was going to fall anyways.

Then, while going down the mountain, I would start to pick up some speed. But then, I'd being going so fast, that I began to fear falling....so I would intentionally make myself fall....in case I was going to fall anyways.

I eventually found that I hated snowboarding.

Are you picking up what I'm putting down, here?

I don't have a nice ending to this story. I'm not sure of the ending because, truthfully, I'm in the midst of living it right now. I don't know much. I just know about hope. And love.

Everyday I have to remind myself that there is hope that things will change within myself because I chose to love a God that loves me enough to make promises that I don't have the capacity to fathom. He loves me enough to make good on those promises, too.

And right now, I don't trust myself enough to make great things happen. I don't know very much, and I don't know very much about what my future holds. I don't know if I'm a future professional, or a stay at home mom or a student. I don't know that I have it all together, really. But I know Who does.

He says He is I AM.

Not the this or that. THE I AM.

I know that I can trust Him to make things happen. He is I AM. He's not wavering in His plans for me. He doesn't question my gifts he's given me. He knows.

I don't know about you but I'm ready and willing to follow that Guy. The I Am. Maybe I'll blog a little along the way.

Her Majesty

I've a new obsession. Winter was "The Hunger Games," which easily carried into Spring. I read all the books months ago, but any someecard referencing the trilogy gets me laughing. Every time.

My new obsession? Thanks to Her Majesty's Diamond Jubilee, I've become infatuated with the royal family. Really, Kate, oh sorry, Catherine Middleton started the new found obsession when she wore that dress last year. You know what dress I'm talking about. Lordhavemercy. Her arm candy isn't too shabby either.

Yes, of course I'm talking about her bouquet.

Sheesh.

60 years on the throne is quite something. As Americans, we don't quite understand the significance it holds to Britain, but MAN ALIVE they love their Queen. The monarchy is a fascinating entity of Great Britain. I don't know why. Maybe because Kate Middleton looks so pretty in her dresses? I know it means more than that to them, but we Americans like her dresses.

All this pomp and circumstance has made me think a little more about Hazel the last few days. When I was about 20, I worked with a girl my age that referred to herself as a "princess" or a "Barbie." I thought it was weird for a 20 year old to need so desperately for her friends and co-workers to believe she was daddy's princess. but mostly I found it really annoying. From then on, I rolled  my eyes at any reference to a princess. I thought, "How highly does one think of themselves in order to insist upon this?'

scoff. 


[side note: I also find it obnoxious when a bride thinks that a day that ceremoniously joins two people together in the name of God gives her a god given right to be a princess; therefore she can have anything she wants and act any way she wants. What have we done to weddings, people??]


Rant and run on sentence over.


So I vowed to myself that I would NEVER refer to my future daughters as princesses. I never wanted them to think that they were better, or that they deserved more than anyone else or that they could have whatever they wanted because they were the princess. I didn't want them making fools of themselves while they desperately attempted to make an obnoxious identity out of a bizarre fantasy.

Then I had a daughter myself.

She's only eight months old and I already worry about her self esteem, her self-worth. I worry about how much she will take to heart the negative things said about her, or how little she will take to heart the wonderful things said about her. I worry that no matter how much I try, she'll never know how much I love her. I think about her relationship with Christ. How do I foster that in a positive, loving manner? How will I always know that I'm doing that?

I have a friend that has always referred to her daughters as princesses. I always thought to myself, "Ohhh she's going to regret that one day."

I was wrong. When her oldest was five and at the peak of her love for Disney Princesses, she said to her mom one day, "Ohhh Mama, I really AM a princess!"

My friend replied lovingly as she always does, "Yes, sweetie are a princess."

The five year old then said. "No mama, I am a daughter of the King. That really makes me a princess!!"

After that, I have always wanted to raise princesses. It's an idea brought on by a five year old, and yet so profound. I get it now. I'm to raise Hazel Joy to believe she is a special girl. She's not special because she's mine and I'm her mama, and well, that's just natural. She is special because she is God's child. She is fearfully and wonderfully made.

So how do I treat a princess in my care?
 I let her know how much she's loved, how much she's cared for. Her daddy has a HUGE role in this too. He is the one man that is responsible for showing her how much she is loved for all the right reasons. He's got a big task ahead of him in this world we live in. He's up for it though.

How do I properly raise a princess?
I teach her how to care for others. I'll teach her about showing compassion, how to love. A good princess is not the center of the universe; She's a servant. I can teach Hazel Joy to be a servant for His Kingdom. I can help her find her role in the Kingdom. She'll make a good princess. I'm sure of it.

It's become clear to me why this co-worker was 20 years old and wanted to still be daddy's princess. Sadly, I believe it's because she never really was a princess to her daddy. Something for me to remember as I strive to raise a self-aware, community conscience child whom knows she is so very loved by her mama and daddy and her other daddy, the King of Kings.


Our desire to become a radiant princess didn't originate with Walt Disney. It's a desire placed within us by our Maker. He created us to shine with royal beauty to be a sparkling reflection of the stunning beauty of our King 
                                  -Leslie Ludy 

Photography Phun

Hazel Joy and I got to hang out with Christina Klas over the weekend. She's so very talented. Thanks Christina for sharing your gifts. And thank you thank you thank you for capturing my girls personality, just right.

Do you live in the Tacoma/Lakewood area? I would highly HIGHLY recommend Christina as your family photographer. I met her at the park thinking Hazel would be her only subject for the day. She asked if I'd like to get in on the action and I sheepishly said, "well yeah, but no."  I had been up since 3 am and had dirty "mom hair." I hadn't even brushed my hair that day. But she said. "Ah who cares. get in there!"

I am so glad I listened to her. Messy hair and all, in 20 minutes she captured a glimpse of the relationship I share with Hazel Joy. That is talent, ya'll. 

If you're on Facebook, "like" her page! http://www.facebook.com/ChristinaKlasPhotography

Also. Show Christina some love. Tell me what YOU think of her work. Even better tell HER what you think!

Life has.....

flown by. For serious. It's been two months since my last post. But somehow I have a daily readership of 50 or so people. Who are you? Where do you come from? Welcome. Obviously, but seriously, what's bringing you back? I've wondered what to do with this blog because my life has changed astronomically since it's first post more than two years ago. I lived in a different state, on a different coast, was not a mother and I can't even say that I am really the same person. A lot about me is the same. I'm still the insecure job searching, God seeking person I was two years ago. But I'm also a person that grew another human within her, birthed said human and is raising her with an amazing husband like a BOSS. I can't write an effective resume, but I'm a damn good mom.

I feel pretty good about that.

So what's been happening in the last few months, you ask?

• Hazel continues to amaze us daily. She's crawling and standing with help. She loves mangoes, oatmeal, apples, avocados, toast, pears and bananas. She hasn't met a food she doesn't like, and we like that. She says mama and dada along with a myriad of other jibber jabber day in and day out. I always wanted a kid with a good laugh. Hazel has an amazing laugh. It comes from deep down in her gut and it's infectious. You just have to catch her in the right mood.

• We celebrated Ian's birthday. Some people don't think birthdays are a big deal. They are to me. Ian is an amazing dad and husband and an all around good person that a lot of people really like. I like to use May 15th as an opportunity to say, "Hey! I'm glad you're in my life. And I'm glad you were borned." A little story about Ian: June will mark 10 years since we started dating in high school, yet I seem to learn a little more about him each year. This year, his 26th, I learned just how far his selflessness can reach. He's a great dad. I said that already, but no. He's a great dad. Besides the all out 24/7 waiting on me he did during the pregnancy, he was a rock during labor and delivery. **gross business coming** During my water birth, I reached a point where I could no longer push and hold myself up above the water and I was slipping and sliding all over the tub. Good times. So the midwife suggested Ian get in and hold me up. Once Hazel was born and taken away from me while I finished taking care of business and she got all cleaned up, Ian went AWOL. I could overhear the nurses calling for him so that the baby could have skin-to-skin time with dad right away. Where was he?? Well he was in the bathroom cleaning MY blood off of himself before he got into dry clothes (un-showered) so that he could enjoy his new baby. Without hesitation, without any regard to how gross it was going to be, he did what needed to be done. That's a good husband. And I'm glad he's mine.
• We took church directory photos. Yes, they turned out as well as you can expect church directory photos can. Post to come on this matter. I still die laughing at Hazel's face. The whole process is redic. But we have one for the books. Literally.

Time is zooming by so fast, I can't think of much else. I hope in two months time, we did more things, but it's 9pm so who's to say??

I want to say thanks again for coming to find the same old post over and over again for the last two months. I'd love to hear from you. Say hi some time!